Octopus Hugs are Better Than Chocolate (START HERE)


Morning cuddles from one of my little boys, an octopus hug on the couch. One of the few daily moments in which I am able to let go and fully rest into the present. Into his childish, bed-warm presence. Into Presence. I am blessed. 

I watched a webinar last night by The Global Immersion Project and guests, Teresa P. Mateus and Phileena Heuertz. A line from Phileena still reverberates in my psyche this morning. She spoke about a shattering faith crisis and how learning contemplative prayer practices opened her up to a “faith that can hold me” versus a faith that was about “what can I do, how can I make a difference, how do I interact with God.”

I don’t hold my faith.

My faith holds me. 

I can trust.
I can let go. Really.
God’s got me. 

My faith has been bigger than me, about more than just me all along. Maybe I just needed to grow into it. 

This month marks a year since our cross-country move from the rural Alberta mountains to the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) and the most tumultuous year of my life. It has been a year of torrential soul searching. At times I felt like I had shredded my soul bare. The deconstruction isn’t over but a hopeful reconstruction has taken root. For today I remain in the “both/and” space, still soul searching but at peace. And thankful for the new margins that this season has expanded in my soul. 

I'm left feeling compelled to express myself creatively and yearning for companionship with others experiencing their own faith evolutions. The conversations in my head are asking for fresh air and running space. They want to bounce out the screen door to explore the unknown wild, link arms with other spiritual questers, and embrace space to breathe and wonder.

My specific intentions for this little virtual pad are still unclear, but I am going to start anyway. (As an enneagram one, this feels super rebellious.)

So let’s adventure together! I would genuinely love to connect. Let me know who is reading by leaving a comment to say hello and perhaps include a word or two about your season of faith.